DIE TO LIVE

I confess I am a bit of a phony.  I often write about being fearless and living life unfettered by social convention, but I am quite sociable.  I actually really enjoy being around people, and the thrill of making normal people stare at my "out there" hair or make-up has paled in the years since high school.

I don't live on any fringe of society and gave up nonconformity when it became the rage.  No tattoos.  Only one piercing per ear, and I am beginning to seriously believe that dying my hair outrageous colors is an unrighteous use of money.  In short, I am a very normal, middle of the road, past Republican who fears change and instability with the best of you.

What I have to bring to the idea of fearlessness is that it can take other, more subtle forms than those we imagine.  In place of the image of firefighter or soldier, place the image of people sharing their honest opinions.  Instead of skateboarding, base-jumping and driving fast on the interstate, place commitment to a choice.

Fearlessness is only true when we dare loss.  Defying death is thrilling in the extreme: committing the body to a course that may destroy it.  When I jumped out of an airplane, I absolutely accepted the fact that I might die or be horribly wounded.  I simply decided I would more regret not celebrating possibility than I would regret whatever bad consequences ensued.  Yet, no one needs to skydive or play high stakes poker to encounter the thrill of daring loss.

Every moment is next to death, no matter how mundane our surroundings.  No future is assured.  No plan is without failure.  No contact is without pain.  All that we are and have will end at some time.  All that we touch, share and savor shall also pass away.  Any number of accidents, diseases and relationship losses will assail us.  Death and paralysis, possibilities in jumping from an airplane, are also possibilities in every moment of the day.  Intending to dare the loss is what makes the difference in the experience.  Ultimately, life is more about possibility than it is about control.

In that way, waking in the morning is a fearless act.  In that way, loving another human being is a fearless act.  In that way, cooking a meal, touching the dirt, smiling at a stranger, dropping an extra dollar on the sidewalk are all acts of fearlessness.  Safety is an illusion we cling to at the expense of our souls.  We stop daring each other.  We stop daring failure, trust, hope and acts of integrity in terror that we may lose something we are destined to lose anyway.  Life is not holding on.  Life is letting go.